I think I've actually hit a dead end in my life right now.
I am so angry and sad all the time, and all people do, is making it worse.
I feel betrayed, and mistrust everyone, especially those who I normally trust blindly.
I don't know what I want. I don't want anything. I feel like everything I do is in vain. I just want to bury myself in a hole or something until something good comes my way.
Everyday life is... boring beyond words..
I miss my friends, but do I actually get to call them friends?
I don't know what to do.. I am so stuck in my own personal hell.

And my temper... what the fuck? I cry... everyday.. and I get mad.. really really mad, everyday.. and when I smile... I feel fake.

But when outsiders come along, making my day.. I feel like I cannot stop smiling.
Like the cute chinese guy today.. he was the only one in school when I arrived.. and he greeted me with a huge smile and a clinging "OHAYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!". I was so surprised that I forgot to answer him at first. Wow. This is the first time he has ever spoken to me, and that was so.. surreal.. haha. And then he just kept being weirdly nice... like.. he gave me a whole package of chinese cigarettes? Say what? Hahaha. I was really happy.. like.. FOR REAL at that time.
And hanging out with froggie after school was fun.. but now.. everything sucks big time again. I cannot think...

I think Mr. T is coming tonight.. but I am in no mood to be social.. my head hurts.. my back hurts and I am dead tired... and tomorrow... school again... ueh.. thankfully I have my favorite teacher at the time, Miyazaki sensei. Cutest teacher ever. She drew me an alpaca on my last test. Haha.

Now I'm off to sulk, read and sleep I think. So .. yeh..