I think I've actually hit a dead end in my life right now.
I am so angry and sad all the time, and all people do, is making it worse.
I feel betrayed, and mistrust everyone, especially those who I normally trust blindly.
I don't know what I want. I don't want anything. I feel like everything I do is in vain. I just want to bury myself in a hole or something until something good comes my way.
Everyday life is... boring beyond words..
I miss my friends, but do I actually get to call them friends?
I don't know what to do.. I am so stuck in my own personal hell.

And my temper... what the fuck? I cry... everyday.. and I get mad.. really really mad, everyday.. and when I smile... I feel fake.

But when outsiders come along, making my day.. I feel like I cannot stop smiling.
Like the cute chinese guy today.. he was the only one in school when I arrived.. and he greeted me with a huge smile and a clinging "OHAYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!". I was so surprised that I forgot to answer him at first. Wow. This is the first time he has ever spoken to me, and that was so.. surreal.. haha. And then he just kept being weirdly nice... like.. he gave me a whole package of chinese cigarettes? Say what? Hahaha. I was really happy.. like.. FOR REAL at that time.
And hanging out with froggie after school was fun.. but now.. everything sucks big time again. I cannot think...

I think Mr. T is coming tonight.. but I am in no mood to be social.. my head hurts.. my back hurts and I am dead tired... and tomorrow... school again... ueh.. thankfully I have my favorite teacher at the time, Miyazaki sensei. Cutest teacher ever. She drew me an alpaca on my last test. Haha.

Now I'm off to sulk, read and sleep I think. So .. yeh..

Whats the definition of "friendship" for you?

Well, whatever then. I guess I'm just interesting when I'm needed.

But what about what I need? Did you ever think about that? Friendship is not supposed to be so one sided it's like those pathetic tragic love stories or something.


I just want a normal friendship for once in my fuckin' life. It's not about take and take and take, or give and give and give. It's about making each other happy. Making each other feel at ease. Be there for each other when it's needed and let the other be there when you need it. Is that really to much to ask for?

Limitations?

Så det jag försöker är att ..inte tänka på det. :) Försöka se saker positivt.

Wow , I haven't been updating lately...

Hiya there blog, it's been a while.
I just simply..forgot about this blog. lol.

Right now I am sitting in my bed, freezing to death! Seriously, it's so insanely cold in here! :( Waiting for Martin to come home from school so we can eat and maybe buy tickets for crystal castles tomorrow. :) I really really really reeeeeeeaaaaaaally want to go, so I hope there is still some tickets left. ;_;

Today I had a new teacher, Abbo-sensei. She was seriously AWESOME! :D
And then I went to the hospital to get a check-up and some new medicine. :)
My rheumatics is still okey, so it was cheaper than usual :D And that's why I can afford to see Crystal :D YAY!
Maybe I'll see them on wednesday too, but then it's just a DJ session... but anyways... IT'S CRYSTAL FUCKING CASTLES! ^_^

Yesterday we went to mysterious, a really cool restaurant with like a "mysterious" theme. lol. The food was awesome and the drinks ever more awesome... but seriously? What was up with the love ballads? x'D They should've played like... mysterious music? xD

And the day before yesterday we went to tokyo disney sea! :D It was so awesome that I smile hugely every time I think about it. :D

A lot has happened in in the last couple of weeks, but I am tired and lazy so... I'll write about that some other time. :)

I am using my tumblr much more often than this blog so, if you're interested in what I am doing, go read that when I am not updating, key? :) My tumblr


Mjaa... bye bye for now.