ööö

Oh no you didn't.

How could I have waited?

Where the hell is that loud sound comming from? Getting kind of freaked out.

Needless to say, I was to paranoid when it came to my pretty bf
So we're cool now. :) Yah.

Had a great time out last saturday. Kisses and hugs to M and M since it was a party to celebrate their birthdays..
Yesterday was 休み！And tomorrow is　休み！

Oh yeah, and my notebook broke down. :( It was the worst 24 hours of my life, seriously. I don't think I've ever cried and pitied myself that much before. Hahahaha. It sounds kind of pathetic when you say it out loud.... ehe... I love my computer and can't even survive a good 24 hours without it. God. That's fucked up man.

Well, now I am going to do some more settings for my newly formated computer. Like, download msn...gash troublesome. The only music I have so far is Fever rays selftitled album and two albums by The Knife. Good enough for me for now. :) Haha.
Oh and I have two songs by 2NE1 too. Can't live without them.


Otherways?
I am kind of scared. Because my back is hurting again. Like... a lot. I find it difficult to move properly and to get up from my bed or the floor. (yes I like to sit in the hallway smokin' thanks) Well, since it's cold outside and I sleep on a really hard bed it can't be helped I guess. But I am afraid that the inflammation is back. The idiotic disease. I hate it. Go away.

I just feel like sleep in my bed in Sweden right now. It's so comfyyy!!!

Other complaints?

Hm... well yeah. One person needs to think before they act. Another person should stay the hell away from MY Tboy. And... I could use some extra money from CSN, about...right now? :) That would be all... I think. Yeah. Probably.

Anything good?

Well yeah, the part about me making up with my man is the best I think. And then there's the part about me being a genius and fixing my computer by myself. Yeah yeah. And then we have.. hm.. my new found loved ones Fever Ray and The Knife. I mean, I have been listening to TK for some years, but never..like really active. And E showed me a MV with Fever Ray the other week so... now it's compleeeete.


And to sum up this messed out post;
My new wallpaper me and M found. Hehe. (It's the one in the upleft corner alrighty?)

Kra...

Defeat.

I think it's time for a major breakdown soon.
There is something seriously wrong. Either he's seeing someone else behind my back, or he simply doesn't love me anymore. And ...I acctually don't want to know which, I just wish he would man up and tell me it's over. Because, this is not a relationship.
Lies. Dissapointment. I can't handle this any longer.

I've been down for a long time now. But this makes me wanna go into my safeplace and shut everything out. I hate to say this, but yeah, he was the only reason I decided to stay another year. But I don't think I can handle being away from the ones who truly love me when he tells me. Because even though I'm prepared, I am going to die when he tells me.

And to think he actually have the nerve to send me another fake apology mail when I didn't even responded to the first. Does he actually think I am that stupid?

He is really hurting me. But because I really love that stupid idiot, I am not going to be the one who ends it. I am going to wait until he decides to tell me the truth.

And until then I don't think I want to have any contact with him at all. Because it makes me so sad. And it hurts.

And I HATE to be the person who totally falls in love with someone, and then time after time get dumped.

I seriously wonder, what is wrong with me? Why can't I find someone who actually cares and seriously loves me.

I don't think I want to try anymore. Fuck school. I was only going there so I could stay here and be with him. Totally wasting my time it seems.

But what the hell should I do!?
I can't go home to Sweden and accept defeat can I? Can I?